Fabian Schonholz’s Blog

I have been “accused” that I am trying to get to faith through an intellectual exercise and that I will never get there. I neither agree, nor disagree. Regardless of the outcome, the road is worthwhile.

According to the dictionary, faith is defined as:

• Complete trust or confidence in someone or something.
• Strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual apprehension rather than proof.

For a very long time I have thought of myself as having no faith. I do not blindly believe in anything. I do not completely trust or have confidence in anybody unless we have a long history of mutual trust and confidence. And my belief in God … let’s just say that I have a hard time not believing in God and just as hard a time believing.

There are two people I have, by definition, faith in; one of them is my wife, the other Guido Tenenbaum. My wife has shown a level of support that is unparalleled. She is a fantastic lady and she has always been there for me and no matter what; she has my back. I have known Guido for 30 years. He has had my back, and I his for a long, long time. In spite of the definition, I never considered having faith in them, but them being just part of the fabric of my life. Yes, I take their presence, their actions, their everything that has to do with me, for granted. But in the same way, my “devotion” to them is also always there. They are a constant presence in my life.

Then there is my father. Unfortunately he is no longer with us. He has actually not been with us since 1997. And if you count the length of his illness, for much longer. He was an intellectual who believed in the intrinsic goodness of people. All people are good until they are not. You can say he had faith in people, in humanity. As I mentioned in a previous post, I miss my father. There is not one day that goes by that I do not think of him. There are a lot of things I miss about him, especially his outlook on people, which I do not share. He is ever present in my thoughts; and his position on faith always brings confrontation within me. My father was not just a great man, he was a powerful presence with the ability to influence people. The conflict comes from the fact that I do not see the goodness in people; nor do I see the evil in them. I just see people. They are just there. They exist. I come in contact with them and most of them leave nothing or very little in me. A handful have left a profound impacts in me - good and bad. But it is not a matter of faith. People are people; they come they go. There is nothing to believe or not to believe.

I took a cue from my father’s book. Even though he had some form of faith, he also believed that you became enlightened through the intellectual pursuit. To him, the continuos questioning and counter-questioning was key to finding truth, if there is such a thing. I inherited his ability to quickly go through scenario after scenario and what-ifs; the ability to imagine and visualize problems, solutions, outcomes, paths and all of the forks in the road from start to finish. When I consider the question of faith, my mind goes into high gear. I start to consider all the “options” and “outcomes” that come with faith.

Faith is not all about religion, but normally it is discussed in the context of religion and dogma; along with these we need to discuss practices and rituals. What I basically call “purposeful meaningless actions”.

I define meaningless action as doing something in a repetitive way until you get with the swing of things and it becomes second nature or part of your set of beliefs. The funny thing is that I perform a purposeful meaningless action every day. I wake up every day and put on Tefilin (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tefilin), and read a few passages from the Siddur (prayer book - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siddur). For all practical purposes we can define this activity as “purposeful meaningless action”, but then you will need to call meditation also “purposeful meaningless action”. Somedays, it is really hard to go through the ritual of meditation, especially in this form.

I struggle with understanding these actions every day. Not the dogmatic meaning but the effect it has on people. What is the purpose of this all? just taking a part of the day for yourself? And if you believe in God, then to commune with God? In the end this is just another form of meditation and meditation works for me. Even when it is a challenge to concentrate; especially when it is a challenge.

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I remember the last conversation I had with my father before he totally lost his ability to communicate. He said:

“If I were to do it again, I would be a religious Jew. When science in intellectuals get “there”, wherever “there” is, religion and faith are “there” already waiting.”

I guess my father found faith through intellectuality after all. But I will have to take my path and time to realize where “there” is for me. And regarding faith, I remain faithless. It does not mean that I profess no religion, but my belief is not blind and complete. My doubts lead me to questions and in some cases answers.

Whomever said “ignorance is bliss” should be given a medal.

Last week I was on vacation … yeah!! For the last 10 years, or more, I have always been connected throughout the time I was on vacations. I always felt that I needed to make myself available to my employees or the companies I worked for. Through most of the jobs I have had, I have extended myself to also cover outside of my particular job responsibility when these areas lacked leadership; and moved back when the leadership role was covered. Being connected was a must. Also, part of being connected was not being able to relinquish control, not even for a few days. My own demons of responsibility totally controlled me.

This last week was different. Not from my own doing, but by a defect. The place I went on vacation has internet access. And it was not working in a way that was convenient for me to have access. Unfortunately or fortunately I remained disconnected and unavailable. It was awesome. Who says old dogs can’t learn new tricks? I have to admit that I am somewhat renewed and being disconnected helped bring some perspective and clarity. It does not matter perspective and clarity about what, what it matters is that new ideas are flooding my mind and that is good. Now, I need to find a way to channel them.

My family and I take our family vacation on the first week of July. We normally go to Bahia De Los Angeles in Baja California Mexico. We first went there October 1998. Jared, my son, was only 6 months old. It was so hot that the sun felt as though an elephant was continuously stepping on your head. Elizabeth was so miserable that she swore never to go back. I loved it. The place is paradise. I continued going from time to time to go kayak touring from island to island. I could not have enough of the place. I kept on looking forward to my next kayaking trip.When we were planning our 2002 vacation - that year we actually went in April - Elizabeth suggested Bahia De Los Angeles. Of course I was surprised:

- But honey, you swore never to go back.

- I know, but you love it so.

And off we went. We had a fantastic time. I even caught a 25Lbs yellowtail on a fly rod and was famous locally for a whole week and a half Since then we go every July. In 2006 we tried Mulege, further south. Even though it is a nice place, it was not our cup of tea. This year there was no decision, back to Bahia De Los Angeles.

In 2004 we bought a boat. Having a boat changes a lot of things and having one in Bahia De Los Angeles, changes the place even more. We had access to more places and things to do. Elizabeth and I love fishing and sashimi. A boat gave us access to all the fishing spots. We could also get to a nice clamming spot. Our first boat was a 17’ flat bottom center console. It was barely big enough for 2 adults, 2 kids and 2 dogs. In 2006 we got a new boat - well, new to us. A 21’ deep V center console. A fishing machine. We named it “Kosher Sushi”.

This summer we met Joe Allen and family. They are fantastic. They have three wonderful kids around Jared’s and Sidney’s age that get along well with our kids. We were all staying at the same place. The morning we met I was supposed to go fishing with a guide on my boat. The guide never showed so I went fishing on my own and hit the spots I already knew. I caught enough yellowtail and bonita to feed the whole camp. Normally I only keep what we will eat that day. On one hand I do not see the need to kill more than I need for the day, on the other, it gives me a reason to go out fishing the next day. So, here I am, cutting some fresh sashimi and saying, “Sashimi anyone?”

Of course people came to share … hey, free fresh sashimi. You do not get that everywhere and believe me, it does not get any better than that. Over the years we have learnt that we will meet people and we will share. At first it was just the fish. Now we come prepared with sake, seaweed, and other foods. I am in bliss. I just love feeding people what I catch. Everybody shares and everybody has a good time. Needless to say, the drink flows freely as well. Joe and some members of his family (extended family) went fishing with me and we did not do so well. We could not find the yellowtails. But we had fun. We stayed in touch over the months. Joe and family spend Thanksgiving in Bahia De Los Angeles. Elizabeth convinced me to do the same and coordinated with the Allens to meet again. We had a blast… again!!

Fishing for yellowtails in November is tough. The water is a little too cold in the bay and the fish move to warmer water either north or south on the open Sea of Cortez. It did not stop us, however, from getting enough bonita to feed the entire camp. Most people say bonita is not such a good tasting fish. But as sashimi, there is no better. One day, I did get into some yellowtails and was able to catch a nice 30 to 35Lbs one. Of course we had some of it for lunch. Fresh Hamachi …. It definitely does not get better than this.

Bahia De Los Angeles is paradise. We are lucky that we found such a place, were we meet people, were we eat so well, were we all have such a great time. And this last trip, were I was able to finally disconnect for an entire week and clear my head.

Just kidding!!

I could not resist sharing this compilation video. It is TOO funny.

Startups are interesting “beasts”. I should know, I have a few under my belt. I worked on my own startups, for which I had a hard time funding thus they never really went anywhere, and since I was the only source of investment, not only did they not go anywhere, but I was taken along with them - 100% my choice and I learn a great deal. In a way, I paid for an education.

I have also participated in other peoples’ startups as well. One thrived but never found its execution groove and finally collapsed. One never got off the ground. One I helped sell. The other is a work in progress (a good opportunity that now needs to execute from a business point of view since the technology is in a good and stable place). I also have big company experience as well: Prudential Group Insurance, Xylan, Disney, NASA. And I have also helped other startups as a consultant, as one of my own companies did technology strategy consulting.

One of the things I have noticed is that usually proper and true estimations are either not done or not respected. Estimations are paramount as they help provide a clear picture of the road ahead in more than the conventional ways.

One of the cornerstones of my home grown development methodology is estimations. I wrote a post, Software Development Methodologies, that describes the methodology in some detail. However, I purposely left estimation out of the post. On one hand, I implied and assumed estimations as another step. On the other, estimation is such an important part of managing projects and technologies, that it deserves its own post. And here it is.

These are some reasons why estimating a project is of paramount importance:

•  Managing expectations
•  Managing cost
•  Planning technical resources
•  Planning marketing calendars
•  Planning sales channels

Overall, these reasons point to the fact that nothing in a company is an isolated component. Each part of the company has a direct dependance on all of the others. In  technology companies, companies that provide technology services, or companies who’s core product rely heavily on technology, their dependence on technology is obviously greater. Thus, estimations of technology projects are core and dictate how these company behave.

In contrast, companies who just use technology - in other words, their dependance on technology is based on the fact that technology is a means to create efficiencies, but hardly core to the business -  estimation remains important as a budget control factor. It remains important and critical from a project point of view, but its influence on the business is marginal. However, budget control factor influence is not at all marginal.

But why are estimations so important on a startup?

Startups, by their nature, struggle to survive, and it is not a matter of funding. Even the best funded startups go through this struggle. The question of survivability wears heavily on management and to some extent, the rest of the employees. Nobody joins a startup to fail, as a matter of fact, they join for the upside. The big upside comes from the risk factor that the opportunity represents. Furthermore, there are no assurances that the company will make it but everybody to a large or even larger degree believe in the opportunity. The flip side of this is that startups are in sell mode from the get go. Everybody is aching to have the product finished, on the market and generating some form of revenue. Even the most steady handed startups expose the same sell mentality. And it is perfect, it drives the company to early survivability. Or at least it tries.

One of the problems that startups have is creating a “perfect roadmap”. The roadmap to success. This roadmap includes defining the product and features, developing the product, marketing and selling the product and providing follow on services to the product; by either providing support, additional features or additional products. A factor of the roadmap is the people needed that will get all of these done. Who and when should discreet employees be hired is an important element of the “perfect roadmap”. If you hire too early, you are wasting cash and if too late, then there is the potential to overburden the organization to the risk point of missing