Fabian Schonholz’s Blog

Wednesday I was delighted to attend an event at my kids school, Edison Elementary. Jared was being given a certificate for making Honor Roll. Friday, unfortunately I could not attend, Sidney was given the “Character Award for Trustworthiness”. And before, she was also given the “Student of The Month Award”. My kids are just amazing.

Last year Jared was all year long in the Honor Roll. It was a goal he set for himself and I am proud he achieved it. He did need some help from Elizabeth, and a little arguing on my part with the school, but he did it. This year, so far, the help has substantially decreased - at the end of the day kids do not like to do homework, what can I say - and I have not had to argue with the school on how Jared should be graded. He set the goal and he achieved it again. I am double proud.

Sidney is not such a different story, however, she takes different paths. Last year she had a little trouble focusing and completing her work. But her reading went from good to EXCELLENT. She devours book after book after book. This year, not only she is getting student awards, but her teacher can’t sing enough praises to her and recommended her for the gifted program. And her devouring of books continues.

Both kids brought all A’s except for one B on the first quarter of the school year.

As proud as their academic achievements make me feel, and as focused as I am on those achievements (without exerting too much pressure on the kids), that is only a small portion of the story. And each kids has a different story, that intertwines with each other. And … to be fair, both kids have their share of issues to deal with. But, who does not have issues. Granted, some more … some less.

Elizabeth and I are often criticized for how lenient we are with TV watching and video game playing times. We often explain that it is not an issue for our kids. For example, the kids really like watching TV, but after a little while they get bored with it, turn the TV off and start playing with each other, acting out what they just watched. An alternative to roll playing is retiring to their rooms to read, or in the case of Sidney, do an art project - she is really good.

Until recently, Sidney was not into video games. However, during the year she started to display a level of interest, so for Hanukkah we decided to get her a Nintendo DS just like Jared - we chose a pink one for her. She instantly loved it. Since then, video game playing has increased a little. Even though they spend a little more time on video games than TV, the pattern is the same. As some point they get tired and roll play or go read or go do art.

The only time the pattern changes is the first week of summer. The kids use that week to completely and totally decompress from the school year. The first couple of days is TV all day. They are glued to the screen; from waking up to going to sleep. They hardly move. They do not want to get up or go anywhere. They only leave the TV to go to the bathroom. You really have to see them, they are totally spent from the  school year and it shows in their faces.  To some extent it is even funny. Two kid zombies NOT walking around the house. You can hardly carry on a conversation with them. By day three it changes. They become more active, are more willing to leave the house and are a little more chatty, lively and start to get in some form of trouble by arguing with each other. Day four is almost back to normal and day five cabin fever hits and they are ready to tear the world apart again. Second week of summer is when we start sending them to camps.

We take our family summer holiday on the third or fourth week of the summer. This year we had to find a new place to go in Bahia De Los Angeles because Camp Gecko had changed how it operated. We went to Villa Bahia, a nice hotel-like place. I consider it hotel-like because the place is unrestricted unlike hotels, but you can get some of the common hotel services. In any case, we loved it. Compared to Camp Gecko, the place is luxury and Elizabeth was delighted. I missed roughing it and drinking with Doc, but Roger and Gene were incredible hosts and I got to drink with Joe and his family and also Roger.

Roger is a retired university professor. One night we invited Roger over for dinner and we talked about our backgrounds. When Jared realized Roger was a professor, albeit retired, he said: “teach me something”. Roger was taken a little aback. He thought for a few seconds and started to discuss the universe, celestial mechanics, the planets and physics. I know how intelligent Jared is and how easily he incorporates ideas, specially abstract ideas, but I was a little upset with Roger. I took it as though he was trying to show my kid up. Yes, I sold Jared a little short. To my surprise, Jared answered back with some astonishing comments and questions. I did not fit in my own body!!

Roger was not trying to show Jared up; he was trying to measure Jared up and adjust what and how he could “teach” Jared “something”. He decided to start high and then lower as needed. He was just as surprised as I was, but never skipped a beat. Sidney never really said a word; she just sat there taking it all in with a smile.

For Thanksgiving we went back to Villa Bahia for the week. As I normally do there I went fishing, caught fish and cleaned the catch back at camp. There was a lady with her kids that asked if I could clean the fish in such a way that their internal organs would be as intact as possible in order to dissect them and show her kids. Doctor Joe was asked to perform the dissections and “educate” the kids. He was only too happy to do it. Sidney was first row and center. We had been discussing what to do for her birthday. She had initially wanted a party with her friends, but after the dissection, she decided that she wanted Dr. Grandpa to dissect a cow’s brain or heart. Forget about a party. Unfortunately, due to health codes, brains or hearts are not sold to the public with all the veins, arteries and parts. Sidney was VERY disappointed. We ended up going to Disneyland and had a great time; but she would have rather had her Dr. Grandpa deliver an anatomy lesson to her for her birthday.

My kids are indeed just amazing!!

Today Elizabeth and I picked Jared up from camp. He spend the better part of last month at CGI (Camp Gan Israel) and finally he got homesick and wanted to come home. So with only couple of days to go, we went and got him. This was the first time he was away from us for such a long time. Sidney too, she has been gone for nearly a month - we are picking her up this coming Saturday - as well and also her first time away from home for so long. We are so proud of both of them. I am so happy he is back and can not wait for Sidney to get back too.

Jared says he had a great time and wants to go there for winter camp and then next summer for another month. Sidney, when we visited with her, said the same thing. She is having a blast; and for as much as I missed them terribly, this is a wonderful experience for them and will never deny it to them.

So, he is trying to go to sleep - first night back - and asks me to go and fall asleep with him. I tell him that I am busy doing some writing - I am trying to complete a post for this blog on the Business of Technology - and he retorts: “You have a laptop, come do it in my bed as I fall asleep”. How can you argue with that much logic?
I am typing away while on his bed and he start to watch over my shoulder and of course, asking questions. What does code mean? What is blogging? how does the software work? What is Wordpress? I started this post to explain to him (he is now almost asleep, but the first paragraph above took nearly 45 minutes to write and changed formats, words, links many time) how all of this works. HTML, RSS, the IMG tag, etc. He, of course, now wants his own blog And of course, I will help setting one up for him. Probably we will use the ASP version rather than installing a new one here at home. I think it would be great for him as an avenue to explore different topics. Not to say that this may be the way to get him to write and will help him in his development.

I read My Heroes post to my wife and it was bitter-sweet to her. On one hand she loved the fact that I expressed myself and also loved the content. But she felt left out. “How come I am never mentioned in the same way you mention your father or children?” she asked.

Truth be known I always talk about my wife but in a different way. With just as much energy but different. After all she is my wife and my relationship with her is indeed different - for starters, there is sexual intimacy - and thank god, a lot of it.

So, this post is for her, so she does not feel left out, because, she should not.

When I talk about my wife I tell whomever would listen “how lucky I am”. She is very supportive of all I do. She takes care of my every needs. She is always there. She spoils me. Yeah yeah yeah … she cooks and does laundry too … but she does not clean the house, for that we have a cleaning lady.

When I am down, she pumps me up. When I am sad, she help me understand. When am afraid, she helps me feel my fears and face them. When I am stress … well … she takes care of my stress ;). She is more than my wife or my life partners. She is my friend; she is my confidant; she is my “better” half; she completes me.

When we got married our best man said: “They are more than perfect for each other.” And we are. Indeed we are.

Before we had children we would breakfast in front of the TV watching cartoons and more often than not, we would make love. Since we had children things have changed, but we continue to make love. And our children are, by the full meaning of the phrase, a product of our love.

I would feel lost without her.

Today somebody asked me what gets me excited. I thought for a short while and once again I remembered what is really important and why I do what I do: My Heroes.

Who are my heroes?

First and foremost my father. He was a fantastic man who died before his time. He was a powerful guy in all sort of different ways and a presence to reckon with. At the age of 50 he was diagnose with Halzeimer’s decease and at 69 he died of related complications. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of him.

For a long time I was very upset with him for getting sick, not being there, and finally not only dying but missing out on the family I helped build. My wonderful kids will never be directly influenced by my father and they are definitely missing out on that. Recently, however, I understood and forgave him and myself. It has been a hard road to get there, but I am finally OK with him not being around. Now I am just sad; he would have enjoyed my family.

Although my kids will never be influenced by my father, I was. And I do what I do to keep his legacy alive and pass that onto my kids, with a little bit of a “Fabian” flavor. Of course. His memory not only is a light, but a roadmap.

Second and just as important, my kids. They are the most wonderful people I have ever met. They are the light in my eyes, the sun and the moon, the oxygen in my every breath and the blood in my veins. I never really wanted kids; you see, I am a very selfish guy, so kids ruined all of that but … my kids have really taught me about selflessness. Kids by nature are selfish, including my kids. But there is a quality in my kids that becomes the fabric of our family; the fuel that keeps us going and the glue that keeps us together.

This last month they both have been gone to sleep-away-camp. My wife and I have missed them terribly but at the same time we are happy that they are having a fantastic time and are becoming more independent. Yes, we are encouraging to fly the coop, with the hopes that they will always think of us as “home“.

So there, these are my heroes. Thinking about my father and enjoying the memories get me excited every day. And my kids … not just thinking about them, but watching the grow, mentoring them, showing them the world, chatting with them. How can I not be excited?